Watching:Call the Midwife
Weighing: 10st 5.5lbs
Cat: Hasn't actually thrown up anything all week, it's a freaking miracle
This week has been odd. I feel as if I working my arse off to stay in the same place, but I'm still very content. I am so very happy in my humdrum little life. Little house, little cat, normal job, but I am the most well I have been since I was 14.
Depression is the strangest beast. It colours everything and for me it has done for my whole adult life, and quite a bit before then. It actually feels strange not to be ill, to be happy and looking forward. I always worry that if I become too happy, something terrible will happen to end it, maybe to someone I care about to stop me being happy and to make me pay for being happy. I had no idea that this was a thing anyone else felt and that I was very odd.
Aversion to happiness, also called cherophobia, is an attitude towards happiness in which individuals may deliberately avoid experiences that invoke positive emotions or happiness.
One of several reasons that aversion to happiness may develop is the
belief that when ones becomes happy, a negative event will soon occur
that will taint their happiness, as if that individual is being punished
for satisfaction.[1]
This belief is thought to be more prevalent in non-Western cultures. In
Western cultures, such as American culture, "it is almost taken for
granted that happiness is one of the most important values guiding
people’s lives." Western cultures are more driven by an urge to maximize
happiness and minimize sadness. Failing to appear happy is often a
cause for concern. Its value is echoed through Western positive psychology and research on subjective well-being.[2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aversion_to_happiness
Who knew, but even this makes me feel just a little bit happier. That I am not alone in my oddness, but then that's the thing, no one is we just don't realise it.
In other news, I have spent more money than I can possibly afford on beautiful clothes I could never have fitted into this time last year. That's why I write down my weight you see, without any surgery. Last year I was 18st 5lbs and I have embarked on a huge weight loss plan, which has worked. I won't brand drop, because, I just won't but for me with 16lbs to go. I started with 129lbs to go. I looked at that huge number on the scale and thought, if I keep doing what I'm doing I'll be dead by the time I'm 40, so I changed. I just hope in 16lbs I can keep on with this, wish me luck.
OK another thing. I looked at my pageviews, it says I have 5, I don't know if that's just me fiddling, but if you are looking say hi!
